Writing dialogue. It’s been my weakness. I have always struggled with dialogue. If I get nothing else from this course other than how to write dialogue, then it has been worth it! I’m embarrassed to say, I even struggled with the basic mechanics of dialogue…as in does the comma go inside the quotes or outside (inside)? That’s how bad this part of writing is for me. But no more! I can now write mechanically correct dialogue. I have been set free!
So here is my stab at dialogue. The assignment was to write the same scene but from two different POVs:
FIRST PERSON:
“You know,” Moira nods in my direction, “this weekend doesn’t just mark your birthday. It’s also the anniversary of Dave’s accident.”
“Yah, that’s true…” I agree, “It still seems so sad after all this time. I don’t think his girlfriend’s parents were ever able to forgive him. He may not be himself anymore, but I think they resented that he walked away from the crash and she…anyway, what a tragedy that was. The worst part was that it all happened at the same time as ‘Mr. Secret Guy’ ended it with you. You wouldn’t talk, you wouldn’t eat. You just cried. You really had us worried, girl. All I can say is thank goodness you got past it.
“It’s odd though…” I look out the hotel window. “You said something the day of the funeral that I didn’t connect with at the time. You said that you needed to go to the funeral. I guess I still don’t understand why you bothered when you were in such bad shape? It’s not like any of us knew the family that well.”
She looks at me. “Do you remember in Vegas I was trying to tell you something? When I tried to talk to you about my relationship?”
It clicks and I say, “Dave?”
Janet jumps in, “What? Are you saying that you were in love with…”
“Dave? Lord, no! Seriously, are you both that naive? It was…well, it was Liz.”
“Elizabeth?” Janet and I squeak in unison. “You were in love with his girlfriend?”
“Hell ya, head over freaking heels actually,” says Moira. “It had been going on for months. We’d even begun making plans for our future. She was going to leave Dave…” Moira slumped onto the couch and pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes.
“We’d kept it a secret because, well,” she paused and looked up, “because you just don’t go public with something like that when you live in a town so small that you know everyone by name. Besides, it’s not like I wanted it to happen you know.”
“So…you’re gay?” says Janet
“And all this time and you never said a word to me about it? Not one word…”
“Bisexual, actually. And Dana, think about it. It’s not like this is something that just pops up in normal conversation. Seriously, I tried to tell you in Vegas, but all I could think of was how weird our friendship would get if you two knew. I just couldn’t do it.”
Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me! I sit down and try to process what I am hearing.
Janet eyes Moira suspiciously. Then she grabs the blue bottle of tequila and the shot glasses, moves across the room and begins to pour.
“Oh jesus…ok, relax,” Moira says looking at Janet and then at me. “Can I tell you something before you both start freaking out? I know what you are thinking. I love you two dearly, but I’m not remotely interested in either of you. Seriously. Don’t be offended but, well, you’re both too old.” Her face slowly breaks into that lopsided grin and she starts to laugh.
“Here’s to that!” Janet said raising a shot glass of tequila.
Moira and I follow her lead and throw back our shots—all of us laughing in relief.
Moira sprawls across the arm of the couch. “So? We’re ok? You two aren’t going to go all ‘small town’ and shun me, are you?”
Janet piped up, “Well, you know what they say, people who live in glass houses should pull down their shades!”
Moira and I look at each other and crack up.
Janet gives us the confused look and says, “What?”
“Hon,” says Moira, “never change, ok?”
“Ok?” says Janet, raising her eyebrows and smiling.
THIRD PERSON LIMITED
Moira paces in front of the windows of the hotel suite in stark relief to city lights.
“You know,” Moira nods in Dana’s direction “this weekend doesn’t just mark your birthday. It’s also the anniversary of Dave’s accident.”
Dana pauses, lipstick in hand, and looks quizzically at Moira. “Yah, that’s true…” She sets the lipstick into her purse, and tilts her head sideways, her eyes coming to rest on the arch outside the bedroom. She remembers how hard that week was. “It’s still seems so sad after all this time. I don’t think his girlfriend’s parents were ever able to forgive him. He may not be himself anymore, but I think they resented that he walked away from the crash and she…anyway, what a tragedy that was. The worst part was that it all happened at the same time as ‘Mr. Secret Guy’ ended it with you. You wouldn’t talk, you wouldn’t eat. You just cried. You really had us worried, girl. All I can say is thank goodness you got past it.
“It’s odd though…” Dana looks out the hotel window, “you said something the day of the funeral that I didn’t connect with at the time. You said that you needed to go to the funeral. I guess I still don’t understand why you bothered when you were in such bad shape? It’s not like any of us knew the family that well.”
Moira absentmindedly smoothes her hair and says “Do you remember in Vegas I was trying to tell you something? When I tried to talk to you about my relationship?”
Dana twitches slightly and understanding washes across her face, “Dave?”
Janet jumps in, “What? Are you saying that you were in love with…”
“Dave? Lord, no! Seriously, are you both that naive? It was…well, it was Liz.”
“Elizabeth?” Janet and Dana squeak in unison. “You were in love with his girlfriend?”
“Hell ya, head over freaking heels actually,” says Moira. “It had been going on for months. We’d even begun making plans for our future. She was going to leave Dave…” Moira slumped onto the couch and pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes.
“We’d kept it a secret because, well,” she paused and looked up, “because you just don’t go public with something like that when you live in a town so small that you know everyone by name. Besides, it’s not like I wanted it to happen you know.”
“So…you’re gay?” says Janet
“And all this time and you never said a word to me about it? Not one word…” Dana says in a small voice.
“Bisexual, actually. And Dana, think about it. It’s not like this is something that just pops up in normal conversation. Seriously, I tried to tell you in Vegas, but all I could think of was how weird our friendship would get if you two knew. I just couldn’t do it.”
Dana drops into a chair, her face crumpling like a paper bag. She tries to speak but finds that she can’t.
Janet eyes Moira suspiciously. Then she grabs the blue bottle of tequila and the shot glasses, moves across the room and begins to pour.
“Oh, Jesus…ok, relax,” Moira says looking back and forth between the two women. “Can I tell you something before you both start freaking out? I know what you are thinking. I love you two dearly, but I’m not remotely interested in either of you. Seriously. Don’t be offended but, well, you’re both too old.” Her face slowly breaks into that lopsided grin and she begins to laugh.
“Here’s to that!” Janet said raising a shot glass of tequila.
Moira and Dana follow her lead and throw back their shots—all three laughing in relief.
Moira sprawls across the arm of the couch. “So? We’re ok? You two aren’t going to go all ‘small town’ and shun me, are you?”
Janet piped up, “Well, you know what they say, people who live in glass houses should pull down their shades!”
Moira and Dana look at each other and crack up.
Janet gives them a confused look and says, “What?”
“Hon,” says Moira, “never change, ok?”
“Ok?” Says Janet, raising her eyebrows and smiling.
And the comments from the Instructor? “Excellent work here. Your dialogue has the ring–possesses the illusion–of “real” speech. I think either first or third person can work with this material. Just keep in mind that POV generally determines who your main character is.”
The illusion of real speech. That is THE best compliment I can think of. Yep, that’s me…grinning from ear to ear.
